Waiting For Boy Friend

He looked at it, thinking. Then he answered it without looking to see who it was. He answered it with more of a declaration than a question: ‘Hello.’ He almost spoke in tactical communications to see how they answered, but decided not to. He heard a woman’s voice on the line, and, for a second, thought it was his sister checking on him, but it wasn’t her. It was Wholesome Carrie. ‘Hi.’ He listened to her voice, trying to, what, interpret her tone? He wondered what was up. Maybe she was going to ask for her bra back. He caught himself rolling his eyes. ‘Hey.’ He hesitated, then decided to be polite and formal. ‘Hello, how are you?’ ‘I’m good, I’m fine. Listen…’ She paused, then went on. ‘I have the afternoon free, would you like to go do something today? Something simple? A walk or something?’ He thought frantically, trying to resolve her offer with her behavior over the last few weeks, avoiding him. He remembered being with her, naked, the other things, and made his decision. ‘I’d. He finally decided he wanted his life with me. I realized he made my life worse. He pulled me down. He hurt my feelings. He starved me for affection. He broke my heart over and over again. Yet, he was able to give all the things I’d begged for to this other woman with no hesitation, no reservation. He said it was different with her. They had a connection that he and I just didn’t have. That I should look at her as an addition to our life, and not as a threat. That I was the problem for being upset about it. That we could all be friends if I would just stop being upset and find someone else to fill the gaps for me too. That people aren’t meant to be monogamous. That he didn’t believe any one person could be everything you need. To my shame, I tried. I tried to live with it. I tried to be happy with what I got. I don’t know how at this point. But I did. For seven long months. The most painful issue was that throughout the process, every time I would stand up for what I needed, he.
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